Burnt out..

I don't even know where to begin with this fire season. There is something about this year that just is weird. When I first met Berkeley he was on a Hot Shot crew. They were gone almost as soon as they were made available as a resource. When we first started dating, it was long distance and during fire season. He had a 20 day assignment to the Aldo  Leopold Wilderness. For those that don't know, there are no motorized engines allowed in the wilderness. No vehicles. No helicopters. No chainsaws. The crew hiked into base camp, was fed and received supplies by a mule train, and their cell phones had no or limited reception. While it was crazy, that summer was a definite learning experience. Seeing Berkeley for more than two days at a time was an extreme luxury and our plans were almost always interrupted. It prepared me for the worst that could be in fire season. Or so I thought!

This season. Oh man this season. There is something about it that has really has me just pissed off. We have been in this weird limbo of whether Berkeley is available to go off forest or not all summer long. Its something that seems to change daily. With the Williams Ranger District of the Kaibab being in severity for June/July, the wrecking of the engine, and different engines' crew members having other life situations, this summer has been a giant question mark. As if fire season wasn't already a giant ball of uncertainty.

Dumping PhosCheck Fire Retardant

This past month all the engine crews have been able to rotate through different assignments. Two other groups of people have cycled through the original order to Montana that Berkeley was on at the end of July. Since everyone else was off forest Berkeley was told numerous times that he wouldn't be made available again until more people returned to the Kaibab. Magically, yesterday the right number of people must have been back because Berkeley came home and told me that he was going to Idaho this morning.

So here I am left to take care of everything, again! We just gave the go ahead for work to start on the apartment. And we were finally going to get started on buying his stuff for the wedding. Included in our shopping trips were dress alterations and the most exciting CAKE TASTING! It's not that I don't like wedding planning, because clearly that is not the case, I just hate doing it without him. He is my best friend and companion and its his day too Damnit! Sometimes his absence in all of this planning makes me feel like Elliot Reid from Scrubs, planning my wedding out and making reservations for when I finally have a fiance. I feel like I'm being coated and stifled by retardant.  November can't get here soon enough!