Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Thoughts on Pregnancy

We are slowly inching closer to the finish line. Every day, when I look at the calendar, I am slightly shocked by the amount of time left before this little one is here. In 3-ish weeks we will have a child to actually parent, not just a belly bump to talk and sing to, and rub on.

That last sentence scares me a bit. While I feel more than ready, I also feel completely unprepared. Does that make sense? 

Maybe it is the amount of change happening all at once. Or the fact that we don't really have anything set up. Maybe it is just me being hormonal. Which is entirely possible. Maybe this is what becoming a mother means. Worrying about silly things even when you know it is all going to be okay. 

I think some of these feelings and thoughts come from pregnancy not being what I had expected it to be. While I have been blessed to have a "smooth" pregnancy, it definitely is not as easy and beautiful as often depicted. I think like most, I was expecting stereotypical horrible morning sickness throughout the first trimester and then a redeeming burst of energy and feeling good during the second. Not here. 

For me, second trimester was marked by malaise, apathy, and a ton of aches and pains. I felt good for maybe 6 weeks. At the 25 week mark I developed severe pelvic girdle pain and pubic symphysis dysfunction. I never imagined that it could be considered "normal" to feel like my pelvis would shatter into a million pieces just by trying to roll over at night. So knowing that my expectations of how pregnancy was going to be were inaccurate makes me nervous about how labor and parenting are going to be. 

With all that complaining out of the way, I have to say that despite feeling "not myself" I am extremely thankful and amazed by all that my body is doing. Going into pregnancy, my blood pressure and heart rate had always been all over the place. My blood sugar was questionable and I was considered obese. Throughout my pregnancy, I am the healthiest I have been in years. My vitals have stabilized, my blood sugars are normal. That is so mindboggling to me but I remain overall incredibly thankful for this whole experience that is only just beginning. 

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