The past few days have been a case of "want in one hand and ___ in the other and see which one fills up faster". I wanted to write a Currently post about the joys and happiness that this time of year brings. I wanted post another list of holiday favorites. I wanted to spend the weekend decorating the apartment. There were a lot of things, I normally enjoy, that I have been finding futile since Friday.
My Currently post sat open for hours and the only thing I could come up with is:
at a loss.
I am at a loss of words. I am at a loss of what I could possibly do or say that make a difference. How can anyone boast joyousness and warmth from this season when there are 20 tiny coffins being filled and placed into the Earth this week.
No I am not a mother. No I do not have any connections to any of the families in CT. I do, however, love and care about a handful of children that are the age of those children who were lost on Friday. When I read the ages of the children lost, I could not help but think of those children we know. Such amazing little kids. Caring, funny, sweet, expressive. Each with their own beautiful personalities. The thought of losing one of those children had me crying. I could not imagine feeling those emotions times twenty. Which makes me feel like anything I have to share is just so insignificant.