Bittersweet

So I have been waiting to write this post for a few months now. I finally wrote it and it has been waiting to be published for roughly a week. Since nearly March, maybe even earlier, I have been alluding to stresses at my hourly job. I have been mentioning conflicts and situations that I could not publish here at the time. Even still, there is a lot that cannot be specifically mentioned.

In the short of things, I have separated myself from Michaels. I am no longer a paid employee there and I am holding off on taking my business to their stores for the time being. There are still details that I cannot and will not discuss on this blog. I really want to bring a positive vibe here and talking about it is really not helping to achieve that goal.

After spending so much time with a company, the most overwhelming feeling I have right now is that feeling when a situation is so bittersweet it is hard to process. When everything first transpired, I really could not process what had happened and the first response I had was to cry. And boy did I cry a lot. I know it seems silly, but I was feeling a loss. The more time I have had to think about the details, the more at peace I am (for the most part).

Right now, I am sitting in a Starbuck's/Barnes & Noble cafe. I am roughly 160 miles from home (in Phoenix Metro area to buy my wedding dress, more on this later). It is the first time in awhile I have been able to just sit in a cafe without something work related on my mind. I am at ease. It feels wonderful to be able to meet my friends whenever and (relatively) wherever I want to. And most of all, I really want to keep this peaceful place I am in emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Until that "for the most part" aspect of all of this kicks in.

In four months, we are having our wedding. In less than four months we have to dole out roughly $4,000. Being able to make these payments on top of our other finances is what worries me. Without my job, the little things won't be getting taken care of as easily as they were in the past.

As I sit here in this awkwardly quiet B&N cafe, I am weighing my options. Where do I go next? Where do Berkeley and I go together? What is our Plan of Action? Honestly, in the long run, I do not know. But there are somethings I can control. There are some changes that will be in the works on the blog, both in cosmetics, and the general operation of the blog.

Even though main feelings towards this change in our lives is bittersweet. I am hopeful. I am optimistic. I am excited!